The Miserable Life of Lu's Refrigerator

I was originally a beautiful black refrigerator. I was sitting on the Sears showroom floor beautifully polished and proud of my finish and working mechanisms. I was not a cheap floor model, I was something to have and behold in your home.
 Then it happened; I was sold to LuAnne and carted off to a home that has no pride in my surface. The first thing that happened is that LuAnne got sick and fell face first and dented my front. I felt sorry for her, but my goodness a dent? I was only a month or two old. Her glasses got the brunt of the damage. She had a headache for several days. Concussion was a word used a lot in those days.
The dent was going to be the least of my problems it seemed. In those first days LuAnne's son visited a lot. He was always opening and closing my doors looking for stuff to eat. Then he had the audacity to put beer in me. The worst thing about it was that LuAnne's husband didn't care! He kept offering beer to Mike. That meant opening and closing my big door. Then the ice cube maker decided to go crazy and made too many ice cubes. I got blamed for that! How could it possibly be my fault that the ice cube maker decided to go hay wire?
Mrs. LuAnne has a penchant for pictures; little pictures. She also loves magnets, and do-dads. One day I was horrified to see her just putting all kinds of grandkids pictures, friend's pictures, her pictures, her husband's picture, emergency numbers and even a picture frame her niece had given her. She at least polished my surface before she put all that stuff on my front. Don't forget to look at my top: freezer bags, apple peeler, foil, coozies, paper plates, the list goes on and on.
One day her cleaning lady came and started cleaning out my insides. She and Mrs. LuAnne talked about me the whole time like I had no feelings whatsoever.
They talked about how it was impossible for me to keep things from spoiling because I just wasn't big enough, didn't have enough crisper controls, didn't have big enough space in the door. I'm telling you what, I was wounded. But the day that Mrs. LuAnne started putting potholders and chip clips on me I felt just mortified. The days of being prideful are gone. Oh, how I miss the showroom. I was so beautiful. Just think it was only four years ago, what a way to live my life. Oh, you think I am spoiled? You should see the fingerprints that people leave on me. Oh! I could tell you stories that you just wouldn't believe.

LuAnne and her husband are having company soon. They need to clean me out so that I can perform at my highest efficiency. I wonder when that will happen. I'll tell you when. The day that they quit complaining about my color, the day that Grandma Lu quits putting graduation pictures on me. Don't forget the sunflower thermometer! It is never going to happen. Remember when you buy a beautiful refrigerator like me to be kind and gentle with it. I wonder if there is a support group for abused "fridges." There should be a law!!